Let's talk about this parenting thing...

  Maybe its because I'm a very analytical person, maybe its because I'm a type A personality, maybe its because I'm a perfectionist, or maybe its because I became a first time mommy much later in life but I've been bothered a lot lately by the incessant amount of postings and research happening on the topic of parenting. There is so much out there saying that I need to be a "super mommy".  Everywhere I turn there is this social idea that mommy should always have her stuff together, that we should be able to do anything and everything and still maintain our sanity.  I only have one question, WHY??? Based on my experiences at stores, via social media, commentary from others, etc...  here is a list of compiled "flaws" that I have in my own parenting spectrum:

1.- "Always love everything about your child every moment of the day."  Now don't get me wrong I adore my little girl.  She is my entire life, there is nothing I wouldn't do for her but there are things I don't love.  The tantrum in the grocery store? Don't love it.  The bowl of soup dumped on the floor?  Don't love it. The screaming fit in the the middle of the prayer during church?  Don't love it.  Do you see my point here?  I can't love everything she does because quite frankly there are things she does that annoy me but I will always love her as my child.  I don't have to accept everything she does (and I shouldn't).

2.-  "If you don't do.....  You're a terrible mommy."  There was a recent mommy article floating around Facebook that every time I saw it made me feel horribly guilty.  I won't go into details about it but it was just one of many articles I have seen lately that says if you don't do X that makes you a horrible parent and your child will grow up to be a terrible person.  Give me a break.  All we are doing is adding more to our already overflowing plates, every parent is going to have good days and bad days.  Some days we'll be the best parent in the world and others we will go to bed a screaming crying heap because that's life.  Lay off the guilt trips already?

3.-  "Top 10 mommy lists" you know the ones, all GREAT mommies do this, then this, then that.  You glance over the list and feel like a complete and utter failure because in the past year you've done all of those things at least once.  Hmmmmm....  Crown me with a plunger and call me craptastic mommy of the year.

4.- "Technology damages your child." Now I agree and disagree with this.  I agree that too much technology is a bad thing.  We should not be plopping our children in front of the tv for hours at a time, letting them play with the ipad/tablet forever, or give them the cellphone as a babysitter.  Now that being said I disagree because our children are the technology generation, disconnecting them completely is going to be putting them at a disadvantage.  As far as really young children, like my own, I don't see the harm in letting her watch a couple cartoons a day so that mommy can cook dinner, do laundry, talk on the phone, or *gasp* have a moment to herself.  Same for tablet, ipad, cellphone use.  I have no problem giving my screaming child the cellphone in the store just so I can checkout without a complete emotional break down.  According to some I am rotting her brain but isn't that my choice? And confession time, she watched a lot of Curious George today so I could get ahead on my Nano writing! 

5.- Everything should be "magical" for your child.  I've been looking at holiday traditions, as it is sneaking up on me far too quickly.  Why should I be guilted into thinking that because I don't throw a themed birthday party (let's get real she won't care!), have a sparkling magical Christmas countdown, or that ugly little elf on the shelf (hate that little bastard with the hatred of a thousand pms-ing teenage girls but that could be a post in and of itself. But I respect those who do it.) Isn't being a child about creating your own magic and finding the magic in the the simple things?  Isn't my job as the parent doing the best that I can with what I have, including time and energy?

6.- The best mommies give all their time to their children.  At what point did mommy become all consuming?  I am mommy all day every day.  It's a strenuous, hard, exhausting, and rewarding job and I wouldn't change it for the world but I think at some point I am allowed to sit on the couch and just veg in front of the tv.  I think there are even days where mommy should be allowed to say, "you know what let's put on Curious George so I can regain my sanity."  is that really such a crime?  It's about balance and I personally feel that as long as it isn't a daily occurrence there is no harm in it.

Mommies of the world unite, let's stop with the judgments, let's stop with the quipped comments meant to help but only harm, let's build each other up instead of working to tear each other down.  Every single one of us is different as a person so why shouldn't our parenting style be different too?  Do we want our children all growing up to be the same person/personality?  No, so why are we trying to put them and our own parenting skills into a tiny minded box of self guilt?  You be the parent you need to be, I'll be the parent I need to be and hopefully some day we can laugh at our own misgivings  but until then let us focus on the major task at hand, surviving parenthood.