I'm a self confessed perfectionist. I like things a certain way and when things don't go that way it puts a little bug in my brain and starts to make me feel crazy. Now keep in mind not everything has to be perfect, I was spotted in public today wearing nothing but mascara and a messy pony tail , but other things make me batty. So without further ado here are the things I've tried to do lately but despite my best intentions have fallen far short of my goals:
Despite my best intentions....
I still haven't finished editing chapter 3 of the book, it's turned into a beast that needs so much more extra love (and additions) than I could have possibly anticipated.
I'm still not finished with the book that I really do want to finish. Netflix keeps getting in the way.
My closets are disastrous and in desperate need of a cleaning but every time I find myself with a sleeping baby I end up relaxing on the couch.
The cute Christmas stuff that I got for so cheap on the after Christmas sales are still sitting on my garage floor. They need a home and I see them every time I park my car.
The cat that so desperately needs a grooming appointment seems to grow extra hair every single night.
The great plans for SAT/ACT vocab lessons at school are only half-baked and will probably be presented in their half-baked form.
My plans of cooking more consistently and healthier have slowly dissipated into grabbing what's easiest.
Though I feel these short comings I realize that I have achieved just as many things, if not more. So to create another list just to prove (more to myself than you) that I have gotten something done:
Even though...
The editing hasn't gotten done I've slept more and spent more time with the hubby.
I'm not finished with the book that I want to finish I have read at least a dozen, if not more, books to my daughter in one sitting and she LOVES reading!!
The closets are disastrous I realize that messy closets mean the accumulation of memories.
The Christmas stuff isn't put away I realize that proves in a small way that my priorities are not elsewhere right now.
The cat is a hairy beast I have managed to give him some affection when he desperately craves it, and conveniently I have a furry foot warmer at night!
My plans for school aren't perfect I learn every time from my successes and failures.
My cooking has slipped some I can still keep the family fed and, generally, happy.
I may feel bad about all I haven't done I just have to keep in mind all the good I have done. I suppose the hardest part of being a perfectionist is realizing that there is a flip side to everything so though some things make me insane I have made great strides in my adult life. I hope that by pointing out the good & the bad I can tell the perfectionist in my head to just shut up for a minute, in the meantime I need to go wrestle a needy beast of a chapter!
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
Dear Future Teenage Daughter
Dear future teenage daughter,
It is hard to believe that I sit here watching my beautiful 14 month old who not so long ago was a helpless newborn. How quickly the time goes and I realize that before I'm ready you're going to be a teenage girl. Being a mommy who is currently working with teenage girls, and having been one once a very long time ago, there are a few things that I want to tell you before you hit those rough years full of teenage angst. Bear with me as some of these things you won't understand right away but I hope that you'll treasure them later on when it counts.
1. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself- As a teenage girl others will always make you feel inadequate. Someone will call you ugly, fat, stupid, or any other myriad of insults. As your mother I would like nothing more than to protect you, and quite frankly find the person who said it to you and make them suffer, but I can't do that. You are at a cross roads a time when you have to learn to stand up for yourself, tell that person to shut up, grow up, or just walk away. Do not let their words undermine or mold who you are, ignore those people and continue on. There will always be someone in your life who will try to make you feel small but if you learn to stand up for yourself now those things won't matter later on.
2. Be proud of who you are- You may like something others don't, you may be just a little different than your peers in one way or another. Just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean you should too. Discover who you are and what you like in these years as they will be influential in determining who you are as an adult. Just because you may be the odd man out now doesn't mean it'll always be that way. A funny thing happens when you're an adult that people start to see the unique qualities in you and appreciate you for those things so don't lose them just because your teenage peers disagree.
3. Find healthy relationships- When seeking friends find those who bring out the best in you. There will be people who pressure you to do what they want or something you don't want to do, these people are not your friends. Anyone who is pressuring you to do something contrary to what you believe isn't your friend. Seek out those people who will love and accept you without questioning your decisions or pressuring you into something that you know is wrong! Find friendships that are healthy where you give as much love and support as you take, where as friends you can learn and grow together without drama.
4. Boys- Ugh... My knee jerk reaction is to say "avoid them like the plague" but I know that isn't feasible. You're going to be curious about boys and relationships with boys. As a teenager make friends with many different male peers but don't be anxious to get into a dating relationship. Your teenage years are meant for fun and learning about the qualities you would like to have in a future commited relationship. Most teenage romantic relationships are rushed and can lead to physical or emotional situations that cause irreparable damage, have lots of boy friends but try to avoid the exclusivity of a boyfriend. You have your whole life to be in a relationship with a boy/man and now is the time to enjoy having fun with them as friends. Which brings me to my next point...
5. Having a boyfriend does not give you value- Too many teenage girls believe that if they don't have a boyfriend that makes them a loser or inferior to others who have a boyfriend. Your value will never ever (and I can't emphasize that enough) be determined by anyone else! Your value will never come from a boyfriend or popularity but rather how you feel about yourself.
6. Remember you can always talk to your parents- We are here for you no matter what, ask us those burning questions, tell us what's going on in your life, bring us your problems, and be honest with us. We may not always like the things you tell us but I promise we will always listen.
7. Never forget how much we love you- I can promise that in your teenage years there will be times that you are angry with your parents because we are "mean ". I wouldn't be a parent if there weren't times that I was mean and told you no to things you wanted but never forget that everything we do is because we love you.
8. Your divine potential is limitless- You have a Father in Heaven who loves you unconditionally and the potential that you have is limitless. Never forget you're a Daughter of God!
3. Find healthy relationships- When seeking friends find those who bring out the best in you. There will be people who pressure you to do what they want or something you don't want to do, these people are not your friends. Anyone who is pressuring you to do something contrary to what you believe isn't your friend. Seek out those people who will love and accept you without questioning your decisions or pressuring you into something that you know is wrong! Find friendships that are healthy where you give as much love and support as you take, where as friends you can learn and grow together without drama.
4. Boys- Ugh... My knee jerk reaction is to say "avoid them like the plague" but I know that isn't feasible. You're going to be curious about boys and relationships with boys. As a teenager make friends with many different male peers but don't be anxious to get into a dating relationship. Your teenage years are meant for fun and learning about the qualities you would like to have in a future commited relationship. Most teenage romantic relationships are rushed and can lead to physical or emotional situations that cause irreparable damage, have lots of boy friends but try to avoid the exclusivity of a boyfriend. You have your whole life to be in a relationship with a boy/man and now is the time to enjoy having fun with them as friends. Which brings me to my next point...
5. Having a boyfriend does not give you value- Too many teenage girls believe that if they don't have a boyfriend that makes them a loser or inferior to others who have a boyfriend. Your value will never ever (and I can't emphasize that enough) be determined by anyone else! Your value will never come from a boyfriend or popularity but rather how you feel about yourself.
6. Remember you can always talk to your parents- We are here for you no matter what, ask us those burning questions, tell us what's going on in your life, bring us your problems, and be honest with us. We may not always like the things you tell us but I promise we will always listen.
7. Never forget how much we love you- I can promise that in your teenage years there will be times that you are angry with your parents because we are "mean ". I wouldn't be a parent if there weren't times that I was mean and told you no to things you wanted but never forget that everything we do is because we love you.
8. Your divine potential is limitless- You have a Father in Heaven who loves you unconditionally and the potential that you have is limitless. Never forget you're a Daughter of God!
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Excuse me while I edit myself
To fully understand just how I feel as I'm writing this post please watch this video before reading: Brian Regan.
Now to my words!
I have said many things both smart and stupid. It seems that those two things go in cycles, there are times that I am really smart then other times when I am really stupid. I generally notice and realize when the stupid is coming out and am able to correct myself, or as Brian so brilliantly demonstrates, try to shove those words back in my mouth. Overall though I feel that I do a pretty good job of editing and fixing myself when I commit a verbal faux pas.
The problem is that when it is verbal it's easy to forget the stupid and move on. Let's face it most of the time my memory doesn't last long enough to remember those moments so once I've corrected them they're gone from my mind. Lately though I've been editing my book and it is hard to see my own stupid in writing. I look at what I wrote and can't help but think "Really?? Really?? Why would I write that?" In order to fix those boo-boos I have to rethink and/or recreate a scene and let me just tell you it is a long process!! I don't hate everything I've written, there is quite a bit that I really like but I guess I was hoping the editing part of writing would be easier than the writing itself. Unfortunately I'm finding it to be just as challenging, if not more so, than the initial first draft. As much as I wish that the first written draft had been perfect I realize that I have to keep drafting to polish up the written "baby" that has taken so long for me to finish. I have to keep going!!!
I have long heard that we are our own worst critic and I hope that statement is true. Perhaps I need to set that saying a default header in my word document in order to encourage myself to continue trudging through the words of my novel. In the meantime please excuse me while I edit myself in the written word.
Now to my words!
I have said many things both smart and stupid. It seems that those two things go in cycles, there are times that I am really smart then other times when I am really stupid. I generally notice and realize when the stupid is coming out and am able to correct myself, or as Brian so brilliantly demonstrates, try to shove those words back in my mouth. Overall though I feel that I do a pretty good job of editing and fixing myself when I commit a verbal faux pas.
The problem is that when it is verbal it's easy to forget the stupid and move on. Let's face it most of the time my memory doesn't last long enough to remember those moments so once I've corrected them they're gone from my mind. Lately though I've been editing my book and it is hard to see my own stupid in writing. I look at what I wrote and can't help but think "Really?? Really?? Why would I write that?" In order to fix those boo-boos I have to rethink and/or recreate a scene and let me just tell you it is a long process!! I don't hate everything I've written, there is quite a bit that I really like but I guess I was hoping the editing part of writing would be easier than the writing itself. Unfortunately I'm finding it to be just as challenging, if not more so, than the initial first draft. As much as I wish that the first written draft had been perfect I realize that I have to keep drafting to polish up the written "baby" that has taken so long for me to finish. I have to keep going!!!
I have long heard that we are our own worst critic and I hope that statement is true. Perhaps I need to set that saying a default header in my word document in order to encourage myself to continue trudging through the words of my novel. In the meantime please excuse me while I edit myself in the written word.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Two simple words.
I have been struggling the past few weeks with this deep feeling of sadness? anger? depression? Honestly I'm not sure which word best pinpoints the way I've been feeling but it isn't a good feeling. As I contemplated why I was feeling this way I kept coming up empty handed as to what would truly explain my emotions. I couldn't manage to shake the darkness that just seemed to be permeating me and my thought process. You see with all the stresses of maintaining a home, dealing with a child who has just figured out how to throw a fit, and the pressure of higher ups mandating how my job should be done I couldn't help but feel as if everything was stacked against me, that I've been split in too many different directions.
As this train of thought continued to gain speed something happened that made everything come to a screeching halt...
I was standing at the door of my classroom last week watching students come and go down the hallway when one of my students walked up to me and she gave me the biggest hug. Then she said two simple words "Thank You". All the yuck that I had been feeling melted away, just those two words derailed the mental train and made me realize how powerful just saying "Thank You" can be. How often do we take those two words for granted? How many times have we neglected to say them just because we assume the person on the receiving end knows that the Thank You is implied? How many service people (waiters, cashiers, customer service reps, etc...) do we forget to say Thank You to when they've provided us with assistance? What a difference it would make if we made a conscious decision to always say thank you?
Let us vow now to remember to use those two simple words, brighten someones day or just brighten your own day as you share the appreciation and power held within those words! Hopefully by passing on happiness and happy thanks we can make ourselves happy!
As this train of thought continued to gain speed something happened that made everything come to a screeching halt...
I was standing at the door of my classroom last week watching students come and go down the hallway when one of my students walked up to me and she gave me the biggest hug. Then she said two simple words "Thank You". All the yuck that I had been feeling melted away, just those two words derailed the mental train and made me realize how powerful just saying "Thank You" can be. How often do we take those two words for granted? How many times have we neglected to say them just because we assume the person on the receiving end knows that the Thank You is implied? How many service people (waiters, cashiers, customer service reps, etc...) do we forget to say Thank You to when they've provided us with assistance? What a difference it would make if we made a conscious decision to always say thank you?
Let us vow now to remember to use those two simple words, brighten someones day or just brighten your own day as you share the appreciation and power held within those words! Hopefully by passing on happiness and happy thanks we can make ourselves happy!
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