I'm back?

So the technical difficulties have been solved, I got a new laptop with my tax return but unfortunately I have been experiencing motivation difficulties.  I have zero desire to do much of anything, at all...  Writing is slow lately and editing/revising is about to kill me but hopefully I'll be back to full speed soon.

We are experiencing technical difficulties

So as you may, or may not, have noticed I've gone on a bit of a writing hiatus since about Christmas time.  Well here's what happened: my laptop that I have had for the last 7 years decided its part in my story was ended.  I sat down on the couch opened it up and pushed the power button only to discover that while the media drive was kicking up and the power light was turning on, the machine itself did nothing. The screen stayed black.  Thanks to my awesome, amazingly talented brother in law who knows how these machines work, and are dismantled, the hard drive and my files were saved.  We thought we might be able to revive the machine so we put in a new processor (which didn't work) then we dismantled it and pulled the cmos battery (which also didn't work) and after all of that decided it was the motherboard that was gone.  After a lot of thought I have just decided that rather than put more money into it and pull it apart again I'd let it die peacefully.  So today my laptop has officially joined its predecessors in the computer after world.  I am so incredibly sad about it because this laptop got me through college, the last two years of Nano writing, and I finished my very first completed manuscript on that machine.  It almost feels like I've had a pet die.  Rest in peace my laptop friend.

In the mean time, we've decided that our tax return will probably end up going toward a new machine since it is nearly impossible to work on a desktop computer with a two year old trying to be oh so helpful and push all the buttons on the machine.  Unfortunately until I can get a new laptop my writing has come to an abrupt and screeching halt.  So if you were hoping to see any of my new material or ideas you'll have to wait because for the moment we are experiencing technical difficulties.

The almost lost stories!

I learned a very fundamental lesson in a very big way these past few weeks and fellow writer's don't make the same mistake!

Back in 2008 when I was going back to complete my last year of college I purchased a very nice Dell laptop.  I used it all the time for classes and homework, carrying it back and forth between campus and home but once school was over and I'd graduated the laptop transformed into the writing tool of choice.  The convenience of sitting in the same room as my husband or daughter and typing made my laptop indispensable!  I eventually ended up with 3 story starts on there (like a chapter or two of book ideas/starters), 1 completed rough draft, 1 completed final draft, and this years Nano project. Now keep in mind the completed manuscripts are around 50,000- 90,000 words a piece.

One day I thought to myself, "hey you should back up" and I did back up to Dropbox.  Smart right?  You'd think so.  Well rewind to about 2 weeks ago. I'd just gotten the kiddo ready for bed and went to sit down at the laptop when every writer's worst nightmare happened.  I turned it on and the screen stayed black.  "No! No!"  I banged on the keyboard hoping it would bring the computer back to life but despite whirring and sounding like it was booting up it wouldn't do anything.  I already knew that the work I had done over the past 2 weeks was on that machine since I hadn't backed up recently but then I went to my other computer only to discover that Dropbox didn't get all of the files that I had tried to save on there.  I had about 2 years worth of stuff that was sitting on that laptop and only that laptop.

Long story short I ran the computer over to my very tech-savvy brother in law who managed to get my files off of the hard drive so I am no longer sick to my stomach about the files, I have my work back (hallelujah!) but the computer is still dead.  We're looking at options to get it going again but I learned a very important lesson.  Back up your work!  Every time, all the time!  Don't make a mistake like I did.  I was very lucky to get back what I had but it will never happen again.  I've got a jump drive now and am looking into external hard drives!

A fun moment

I'm working on editing the 2nd book in my 2 book series and this little tidbit popped out from the dark corners of my brain.  I love this moment!

“Nice shooting!”  Asha complimented.  “I’ll get it.” She ran past him grabbing the dead bird. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a movement, only a fleeting shadow.  At first she didn't think anything of it but as she walked back toward him she saw what she thought was hair.  She stopped, frozen in her tracks watching and listening to the surrounding trees. At first there was no sound, he looked at her his eyebrows knitting together in a question.  

From behind the trunk of a tree there came a hulking figure.  The hair on the figure was brown and caked with mud.  The long maw was filled with sharp teeth and a lolling tongue; it looked at her with a harsh glimmer in its eye then sprung. 

Let's talk about this parenting thing...

  Maybe its because I'm a very analytical person, maybe its because I'm a type A personality, maybe its because I'm a perfectionist, or maybe its because I became a first time mommy much later in life but I've been bothered a lot lately by the incessant amount of postings and research happening on the topic of parenting. There is so much out there saying that I need to be a "super mommy".  Everywhere I turn there is this social idea that mommy should always have her stuff together, that we should be able to do anything and everything and still maintain our sanity.  I only have one question, WHY??? Based on my experiences at stores, via social media, commentary from others, etc...  here is a list of compiled "flaws" that I have in my own parenting spectrum:

1.- "Always love everything about your child every moment of the day."  Now don't get me wrong I adore my little girl.  She is my entire life, there is nothing I wouldn't do for her but there are things I don't love.  The tantrum in the grocery store? Don't love it.  The bowl of soup dumped on the floor?  Don't love it. The screaming fit in the the middle of the prayer during church?  Don't love it.  Do you see my point here?  I can't love everything she does because quite frankly there are things she does that annoy me but I will always love her as my child.  I don't have to accept everything she does (and I shouldn't).

2.-  "If you don't do.....  You're a terrible mommy."  There was a recent mommy article floating around Facebook that every time I saw it made me feel horribly guilty.  I won't go into details about it but it was just one of many articles I have seen lately that says if you don't do X that makes you a horrible parent and your child will grow up to be a terrible person.  Give me a break.  All we are doing is adding more to our already overflowing plates, every parent is going to have good days and bad days.  Some days we'll be the best parent in the world and others we will go to bed a screaming crying heap because that's life.  Lay off the guilt trips already?

3.-  "Top 10 mommy lists" you know the ones, all GREAT mommies do this, then this, then that.  You glance over the list and feel like a complete and utter failure because in the past year you've done all of those things at least once.  Hmmmmm....  Crown me with a plunger and call me craptastic mommy of the year.

4.- "Technology damages your child." Now I agree and disagree with this.  I agree that too much technology is a bad thing.  We should not be plopping our children in front of the tv for hours at a time, letting them play with the ipad/tablet forever, or give them the cellphone as a babysitter.  Now that being said I disagree because our children are the technology generation, disconnecting them completely is going to be putting them at a disadvantage.  As far as really young children, like my own, I don't see the harm in letting her watch a couple cartoons a day so that mommy can cook dinner, do laundry, talk on the phone, or *gasp* have a moment to herself.  Same for tablet, ipad, cellphone use.  I have no problem giving my screaming child the cellphone in the store just so I can checkout without a complete emotional break down.  According to some I am rotting her brain but isn't that my choice? And confession time, she watched a lot of Curious George today so I could get ahead on my Nano writing! 

5.- Everything should be "magical" for your child.  I've been looking at holiday traditions, as it is sneaking up on me far too quickly.  Why should I be guilted into thinking that because I don't throw a themed birthday party (let's get real she won't care!), have a sparkling magical Christmas countdown, or that ugly little elf on the shelf (hate that little bastard with the hatred of a thousand pms-ing teenage girls but that could be a post in and of itself. But I respect those who do it.) Isn't being a child about creating your own magic and finding the magic in the the simple things?  Isn't my job as the parent doing the best that I can with what I have, including time and energy?

6.- The best mommies give all their time to their children.  At what point did mommy become all consuming?  I am mommy all day every day.  It's a strenuous, hard, exhausting, and rewarding job and I wouldn't change it for the world but I think at some point I am allowed to sit on the couch and just veg in front of the tv.  I think there are even days where mommy should be allowed to say, "you know what let's put on Curious George so I can regain my sanity."  is that really such a crime?  It's about balance and I personally feel that as long as it isn't a daily occurrence there is no harm in it.

Mommies of the world unite, let's stop with the judgments, let's stop with the quipped comments meant to help but only harm, let's build each other up instead of working to tear each other down.  Every single one of us is different as a person so why shouldn't our parenting style be different too?  Do we want our children all growing up to be the same person/personality?  No, so why are we trying to put them and our own parenting skills into a tiny minded box of self guilt?  You be the parent you need to be, I'll be the parent I need to be and hopefully some day we can laugh at our own misgivings  but until then let us focus on the major task at hand, surviving parenthood.

Nano Nano Nano

I swore this year I wouldn't do Nano.  I went over every reason in my brain about why I shouldn't do it (work, toddler, toddler's birthday, Thanksgiving, lesson planning, grading) and on Oct. 31 I vowed that I wouldn't take part in the Nano madness this year.  Well the morning of Nov. 1 dawned and the image of all my Nano friends sitting at their computers with a hot beverage by their side and happily typing away weaseled its way into my brain.  I started to feel sad, lonely, and started missing my stories.  For several months I've put writing on the back burner so I could actively pursue querying with my current manuscript.  No matter what I told myself though I couldn't stop thinking about the story I started and never finished.  I couldn't stop thinking about where I'd left my character and imagined her sitting in a dark room screaming "Get me out of here!"  Technically to finish an already started manuscript is to "cheat" according to Nano rules but I'm a rebel and it has always pushed me to the finish line.  So yesterday I put the little miss down for a nap and picked up my laptop, 4458 words later I was feeling quite pleased with myself and logged the word count on my Nano counter.

I remember how hard Nano was last year.  I remember how painful it was to get to the end of 50,000 words in 30 days but the thing that I had forgotten was how much I love the writing.  Somehow in the frenzy of querying and editing I forgot the pure love that I have for just story telling and creating a character that I love (that I will torment in the book).  So despite my nervousness at actually being able to finish the Nano challenge I am going to continue on loving the story and the story telling.  Here's to Nano & writing insanity!

If you are unfamiliar with Nano check out this link:
nanowrimo.org

Halloween- Bah humbug!!

The leaves have fallen, the pumpkins are out, and the candy is purchased yet I still find myself feeling more than a little miffed at this stupid holiday.  As a child I have so many fond memories of trick or treating and dressing up as all kinds of fantastical things (I don't think I ever outgrew the costume phase of life).  Now as an adult though my opinion of the holiday has changed immensely.

About 8 years ago the hubby and I moved to a larger city and into a typical cookie cutter suburban neighborhood.  Having lived in a country home and only receiving 3 trick or treaters the year before I did not know what to expect our first year in this new area.  It wasn't horribly bad as the neighborhood was still being developed but as the years went on each Halloween got worse and worse.  Our 4th year here I bought a bag of 160 pieces of candy and ran out in 2 hours. Two years ago I bought the same amount and it was gone in about an hour and 15 minutes.  Now passing out candy isn't what irritates me, I love seeing the kids all dressed up and have no problems sharing with children however I can not get over the fact that so many teenagers and ADULTS were trick or treating!  I would bet at least half of the candy I had went to people over the age of 15.  One trick or treater in particular was a full grown woman, probably close to my age, no costume or anything just walking around house to house with a grocery bag.  Please note she also did not have a child with her.  My thought process was "you have got to be kidding me!!!!"  I suppose it's a poor social commentary on our society when people who are very capable of buying their own bag of candy choose instead to mooch off of others, entitled much?  This hasn't been an isolated occurrence either, each year I have at least one, if not more, of these fine specimens come to my door.  What in a person's mind makes them believe that this is okay?  Dressing up, I get that it's fun and entertaining but running around begging for free candy at someones door?  Unacceptable.  Put on your big kid underwear and realize that there is a limitation to this behavior and you crossed that line about 20+ years ago.

Now I know  a lot of you are saying "but you have a child and want people to pass out candy to her".  You're right, I have a daughter and yes she has a costume but she'll trick or treat at grandma's & an aunts house and that'll be it! At this age she'll never know the difference. As she gets older though I will teach her that the holiday is about fun not getting as much free stuff as we can or seeing how full you can fill a pillowcase with candy.  We need to learn to enjoy Halloween for what it is and learn that when you're too old you need to stop.  I will not allow my daughter to be trick or treating when she is 13+ years old, there is a limit.

This year I'm taking a stand, no more candy.  I mean it!  I am not spending money on candy just to pass it out to a bunch of adults who don't get that this is a child's holiday or if you choose to celebrate go to an adult party.  I will pass out candy to CHILDREN who I know and aren't just out to glutton themselves on free candy!!!  Call me the Scrooge of Halloween but I'm over it. Bah-humbug!