Happy New Year!

With 2013 coming to an end I wish that I could say I am being thoughtful and reflective, carefully choosing those things I will fix/change in 2014 but I'm not.  Nope, I have never really believed in making a list of resolutions as they always seem to fall by the wayside come January 3rd.  Here's what an average resolution has looked like like for me in the past:

Me:  "Okay this year I am going to eat healthier."
Sickles McWiggins (my inner voice whose name constantly changes but for now that's what we'll call her): "Oh?  Healthy eating?  Good for you!  What else are you going to do?"
Me: "Daily scripture study!"
S.M.: "Excellent!  Make the body and the spirit healthy!"
Me: "Indeed!" a smile of pride bursting on my face.

*Day 1*
Me: "Healthy, healthy, healthy" looking for breakfast.
S.M.: "Oatmeal is healthy."
Me: "Not in the mood."
S.M.: "Eggs!  Good protein?"
Me: "Nah, I think a bowl of Frosted Flakes sounds about right."
S.M.: *audible slap to the forehead*  "Well did you at least do your scripture study?"
Me: "Yes I did!" slurping on my sugary cereal milk and a smaller smile of pride bursting on my face as I did accomplish one thing that day.

*Day 2*
Me: "Healthy, healthy, healthy" scrounging for a snack.
S.M.: "Almonds?  Almonds are healthy?"
Me: "What am I a squirrel?" reaching for the bag of M&Ms
S.M.: "Something is wrong with you."
Me: "Green is a vegetable."
S.M.: "Scriptures today?"
Me: "One or two verses, I did open them."  Almost discernible smile as I shove more green M&Ms in my mouth.

*Day 3*
Me: "Healthy...."
S.M.: "Really?  We're going to go through this ridiculous ruse again?"
Me: "Hey I resent that comment."
S.M.: "Oh shut up and feed me Doritos."
Me: "You read my mind."
S.M.: "I am your mind!  Hey how about those scriptures?"
Me: "Uh....  I sang Head, Shoulders, Knees, & Toes does that count?"
S.M.: "What??  How in the world would that count?"
Me: "The little kids at church sing it so it must be considered a hymn ergo it is scripture."
S.M.: *Huge sigh* "You know what let's just give this up and turn on some Walking Dead, you don't tell anyone and I won't tell anyone, deal?"
Me: "Deal!  I like you..."  turn on Netflix.

As you can see no matter my resolutions on Dec. 31 the idea of a list and a mental compilation of all that I should do never seem to do me much good.  There are lots of things that I could (and should) change but rather than create that list and inevitably fail I'll tell you what I will do and not fail at in 2014:

1.  Spend time with my daughter & be the best mother that I can be.
2.  Read more.
3.  Edit my writing.
4.  Sleep when given the opportunity.
5.  Nerd out whenever possible; the genre matters not (fantasy, sci-fi, superheroes, costumes).
6. Be true to myself.

S.M. and I just had a chat and that list seems to be one we can both agree upon. So there you have it!   I hope that whether you are a resolution maker or not you are able to find those things that will bring you joy and fulfillment in 2014.  May your year be blessed.  Happy New Year!!

Mind altering story telling

One of the few joys of being a teacher is having Christmas Break, a time when one can relax a little and catch up on all the non-school related things that have been lurking on the "to do list".  Although sleep was a top priority on my list (doesn't happen with a toddler who believes that 7:45 am is the best time of day) I also had determined to do a little bit of "geeking" on my break.  I started off with one of my favorite, and most often neglected pass times, reading.  I had re-read "The Book Thief" and was genuinely curious to see what else this author had written.  I picked up this gem from the school library and dove right in:

 The story itself is fast paced and fun to read. The conclusion that I had come to prior to finishing the last chapter was that it was just that, fun and nothing else.  However, when I read the last chapter my entire world and perception of the book turned completely upside down!  Never in all my life have I seen an author do what he did, I can't say much because I don't want to spoil the surprise for anyone that wants to read this book but let me just say this if you are not REALLY paying attention to the person who shows up in the last chapter and exactly what that person does you will miss the entire point of the novel and the whole reason that this story blew my mind!  I know for sure that this novel will definitely forever impact the way I view my own characters.

Now just as a disclaimer there is some rough scenes and language in this book so reader be warned, if you are easily offended don't read this book...  I've given my disclaimer.

Now the second thing that I have long wanted to do was check out this series on Netflix:

The story of Sherlock has always intrigued me plus actors who both played in "The Hobbit"?  Score one for geek out time!  There is not one defining moment of this series that I would pinpoint as the best moment of story telling, the whole thing is just utterly amazing in the woven web of secrets, clues, and character expansion.  A broad spectrum of tale telling that had me hanging from minute one to the very last moment of the last episode on Netflix.  Once the show was over an audible sigh of frustration escaped me as the writers left me wishing for more.  My point in telling you this?  What a brilliant method of story telling!  While television obviously has some advantages in showing details and dropping hints the ability to interweave such details and leave the audience hanging is so meticulously carried out that I felt like a shrieking fan girl at a teeny bopper concert crying for more!  I can only hope that by observing their methodology I too can create a piece that makes my readership wanting more!

Overall both pieces are pieces that changed the way I think about story telling, each in their own way has given me a lot to think about in my own tale creation.  It is sad to see my Christmas break come to end as there are many other books, movies, and tv series I had hoped to take in but until next time I will soak in what I have learned!

Merry Christmas to all!

I'm no poet but for whatever reason the mood struck me so here you go:

Twas Christmas night and all through the rooms
Peace lay on our hearts as we gazed towards the moon.
It had been a day full of Christmas fun and surprises
This woman’s wishes had been granted, or so she surmises.
Never before had this woman imagined her life could feel so full.
Her home filled with love and a warm after glow.
Long after the presents and meals had been eaten
the love of her family had lingered unbeaten.
Seeing the joy of her toddler and blessings of the season
Made her realize that it all was here for a reason
The birth of one man and his heavenly mission
Gave us the meaning to enjoy this great session
Together with family and friends gathered en mass
Enjoying what truly is a Merry Christmas.

It's not the best but I hope your Christmas was as wonderful as mine!

The reason for the season!

November is over and hooray for the relief that the end of 50,000 words brings December brings on a whole different set of challenges!  Between Christmas prep & lesson planning I've had only a few moments to breathe!  Though I have to say that within the course of the last few weeks I have found that in this joyous holiday season there have been humble and quiet moments of peace.  It is in those moments that I can actually reflect upon what I've been given and truly feel that I am blessed.  The most striking of these moments hit me today as I was home with my daughter watching her toddle around.  She's figured out she can walk and oh boy is she walking!!  Those legs unsteady like the wobble of a newborn deer take her from one end of the house to the other and she just beams with pride at her new found accomplishment.  I was on the floor just watching her run around and there was a brief moment where, with my sneaker in hand, she paused, looked over her shoulder at me, and with a sparkle in her eyes just grinned at me. Without a word she had communicated to me a joy and pride that I can't describe in words.  As she walked away I couldn't help but think of the season and the reason for the season.  I can not imagine the joy, pride, and pain that Mary had to endure upon the birth of her son Jesus Christ.  What a great and humbling moment that was for me as I saw just a glimpse of what pure joy is and I could truly appreciate all that has been given for me and my daughter!  

My one true hope is that this holiday season holds joy and peace for you giving you a moment of insight into the true reason for the season!

The paradigm shift of a parent!

Now that I've let my own story telling cool off for a bit I have decided to do a bit of reading once more.  As I perused my personal bookshelves debating again and again which book I should dive into (Lord of the Rings was in that contest for a very long time) I decided to split from the world of fantasy briefly and picked this beauty:

The last time I read this book was about 4 years ago.  I didn't recall a lot of details about the book other than death is the narrator, it is WWII Germany, and there is a hidden Jew in the book.  I also recall absolutely falling in love with the story and the story telling so I decided it was high time I give this another read through.  

Keep in mind my first child was born just a little over a year ago so the first time I read this I was a childless woman.  As I opened the pages and started reading through the first two chapters it took everything within me not to fall apart as I read about the death of a young child and how death, the narrator, describes the scene and the mother's reaction. There are moments in life when your entire paradigm shifts and suddenly everything is viewed in a different light, this was one of those moments.  

Since I didn't have a child the first time I read this I didn't understand the depth of that loss or the love that mother felt.  I read it, it made me sad, that was it.  Now as a first time mother the thought hit me in the gut like a sack of bricks!   I just couldn't help but have an internal dialogue with this book when I kept thinking "Oh how the tides have turned since last we met my friend!"I almost couldn't make it through the first few chapters but somehow I managed.  Once I made it past that part the story telling and reading of the story became much easier I fell in love with the book all over again.  

I still maintain that this is one of the most brilliantly written pieces of fiction I have ever read!  I will still recommend this to anyone who asks but I will be sure, from now on, to include the disclaimer that if you have a child be prepared for a tug at the heart strings within the first few pages. I just can't believe how differently the story struck me now that my perspective has changed.  I fully intend to pick up another of my beloved books (Lord of the Rings?) and I am curious to see how this new shift will impact my reading of those titles?  Only time will tell.

The things I learned from Nano

It is finally the end of the month and hallelujah I made the goal of 50,000 words.  I'm not going to lie there were several times I didn't think I'd make it and there were times I wanted to quit but somehow I endured.  It has been a long month but here are some of the things I learned from my writing experience:

1.  It doesn't matter what you write just write!  Even if I was writing a conversation as stupid as "why did you do that?" "I don't know, why did you do that?" "I don't know." I was still working my way through my stories.  Sometimes these moments of humdrum brought about an exciting surprise and that's why I just had to stick to it!

2.  Let go of the perfectionist.  I am a writing perfectionist, I think because I have been teaching for so long and stress proofreading to my kids so often I find myself caught in a vicious cycle of thinking "that wasn't perfect/what I wanted" then I get very liberal with the backspace button.  Nano made me stop doing that and honestly that is one of the biggest lessons I learned!  I need to stop re-hashing and re-writing and just move on.  Which brings me to my next point...

3.  The time for editing is later.  So many times while I was writing I would think, "Hmmmm.... did I include that minor detail in chapter 2?  Did I remember to explain (minor plot element) here? Man this writing sucks!"  while those things are important and they do need to be put in the book it is also important to just keep moving ahead.  Once the manuscript is done that is when I can go back and go through all the details with a fine tooth comb, for now just getting to the finish line is the key!

4.  Writing every day is hard work!  I started to feel like it was my part time job!  I appreciate the good habit of writing that this taught me but I also see that I'm a better writer when I have a day or two to mull over what I have written then can go back to the story fresh.  The every day writing burned me out!

5.  Time for a much needed break!  I appreciate my Nano experience and all that I learned from it, plus I finished two transcripts, but it is time for a break from writing.  My plan for the next week or so is instead of writing at night time to start reading more frequently.  The writing time cut into my reading time and I am missing the comfort of other's stories so for now I'll step away from my own stories and indulge in someone else's.

Romance eludes me!

I have always loved the movie "Singing in the Rain".  It combines elements of musical, humor, and storytelling so well it just makes me smile!  One of my favorite scenes in the movie is when Gene Kelly's character is premiering his first ever "talkie" film, he's always been a silent film star so it's the first film where he's heard talking.  He didn't like the lines written in one of the romance scenes so he replaced it with the line "I love you, I love you, I love you." and it comes across as completely ridiculous and cheesy as is evidenced by the audiences roaring laughter and later the poor reviews.  The romance of the scene is completely lost on the audience because of the goofiness of it all.

We've all seen the movies or read the books where the two characters initially hate each other then through a series of romantic gestures, or one large one, they find that the love they wanted was there all along!  It's so sweet and thoughtful but quite frankly it makes me nauseous.  I have never liked those kinds of movies and reading books dripping with romance give me a bad case of excuse-me-while-I-vomit-itis.  Maybe its because I never experienced a lot of romance, maybe its because I don't believe that a good relationship is based on romance, maybe its because after being married for almost 10 years romance in our household is "let's order pizza", or perhaps its a combination of all of those things but I just don't know how to write romance.  I'm really struggling to make the relationship meaningful without it being so sickeningly sweet or worse goofy to the point of "I love you, I love you, I love you!"  Readers how do you do romance?  What romantic gestures have you witnessed or experienced that were meaningful and not too sweet?  I need some help!

I will never be a Tolkien!

As a teenager my natural reading affinity was science fiction, anything Star Wars, Star Trek, or similar to Ender's Game was something I would read voraciously.  The fall after I graduated high school I started seeing previews for a movie called "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring".  I thought it looked interesting and went to see it, well that was the beginning of my new obsession and it is one that I don't ever see myself outgrowing.  I couldn't get enough of dragons, elves, dwarves, and wizards!  The world of sci-fi was a fun place to be but I felt the world of fantasy is where I truly belonged.  Watching Lord of the Rings made me feel like I had come home and though Middle Earth was very troubled I found myself wishing to be a Lady Galadriel.

Over the next year I read all three books at least 3 times, sadly I haven't read all of them since them, book two and three but not one but I digress.  My own stories are often rich with the world of fantasy and magic including my current Nano book.  I've always felt fairly competent in the writing of fantasy but tonight I made the mistake of putting in The Hobbit movie while I write.  I felt competent before but now I feel completely inadequate, my own writings will only ever be a speck compared to the grandeur of Tolkien's genius!  Seeing the epic scope of Middle Earth and the vision of Tolkien makes me realize just how insignificant my own writings will be, my only hope is that maybe by creating the skeleton of the story through Nano I can flesh out the chunks of the story that might make it a rich fantasy.  Will I ever be a Tolkien?  In my wildest dreams sure, but in reality I never will be Tolkien!

However as I watch the dwarves and "master Baggins" climb the slopes of a mountain I feel once more that I am in a world where I belong. So for now excuse me as I snuggle under a warm blanket, put away the lap top, and walk with the dwarves!

Whiny Walrus!

My daughter loves to watch this show called Leap Frog and one of the cartoons (available on Netflix, my best friend!) is named Phonics Farm.  The premise is that the main characters Scout, Violet, Eli, & Penny have to guess which animal is behind each letter so for example behind the letter is A is an athletic alligator, K is a kissing kangaroo, and so forth.  Behind the letter W is the Whiny Walrus, I hate that Walrus!  He definitely whines and when he comes on the screen I cringe because he's annoying.  Well I realized today that somehow, somewhere, I turned into the whiny walrus!!  Yesterday was an especially hard day, not any one specific thing just one of those days where the weight of the world hangs heavy on your shoulders and you feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel.  

As I laid in bed last night and reflected on the day I could hear my brain whining: "I hate being the mean teacher sometimes. Why are teenagers so obnoxious?  Why won't my daughter eat her baby food?  I am so sick of breastfeeding.  I wish I had money to buy Christmas presents." it goes on and on but the one thought that really got to me was, "I was 300 words short of my Nano goal today."  then I realized right then and there that I was the whiny walrus!  My brain said, "I hate that walrus!  Why are you being that Walrus?"  and my response was, "You're right brain. Stupid walrus." 

It is human to be whiny, it is human to be discouraged, it is human to feel like you're spinning your wheels but the way we choose to deal with it is entirely up to us.  I have been so self absorbed in my own misery my inner walrus came out and it is time for me to grab my whaling equipment and harpoon that walrus.  (metaphorically of course!)  So today I resolve to be better!  So far it has been a good day, I spent most of the morning with my Grandma which I thoroughly enjoy, and I swear this afternoon will be better.  I may not get the house clean today, I may not get my Nano done today, and I may not get dinner cooked tonight but doggone it I'm resolving not to whine today!  Readers join me for just today in killing that whiny walrus and making the choice to be happy.

P.S. If anyone would like to watch a beautiful and busy one year old for a few hours so I can catch up on my Nano word count I would consider it a great act of service!! :)

Nano Numbers & the Underwear Gnomes.

It is day 11 of the Nano challenge and holy cow!  This has been such an amazing experience for me, really it has, I have found more inspiration in just sitting and writing than in any other writing method I've tried before; that said Nano just might kill me.

You see, I'm a neat freak.  I love a clean and orderly house.  My dishes are almost always done immediately, toys picked up before bedtime, lunches packed, clothes set out the night before, and laundry folded and put away. Nano writing has cut into a lot of the time I used to spend doing those things.  I've done a pretty good job the last 11 days of putting on blinders and pretending like those things don't exist but today as I got out of the shower I got into my drawers and thought, "did the underwear gnomes strike again?"  (the underwear gnomes are creatures related to the sock trolls.  Sock trolls steal socks in the dryer, that's why there is always one sock and never a pair, whereas the underwear gnomes are particularly fond of well, underwear!) Alas when I looked in my laundry basket I found it wasn't the supernatural conspiring against me, there legitimately wasn't many pairs of under garments that weren't dirty.  "Great!  Thank you Nano gods for keeping from my stack of laundry!"  Ugh, the inability to stay on top of it makes my eyes twitch!!

Now I'm happy to report that I did meet my Nano numbers today however there is a GIANT stack of laundry on the bed waiting to be folded.  Wish those dang gnomes would fold once in a while, completely worthless keeping mythical creatures around when they do nothing to contribute.  In the meantime I guess it's time for some Netflix and folding but just keep in mind if you see my eye twitching I'm not angry it's the supernatural plotting to take me down!

The End?

As an avid reader those two words, the end, have always given me a sad sense of loss.  Some of the most memorable moments of my life ended with those words; the end of Harry Potter, the end of the Nicholas Flamel series, the end of Narnia, even the end of "The Office" tv series, all left me feeling like a friend had moved across the country never to return.

I find it rather ironic that tonight those words have had the opposite effect, I have never in all my life been so happy to see "the end"!  I did it, I FINALLY finished my 1st book!  The minute I typed those words I sat back in my chair and said, "Holy crap." (though it sounded much more like "Hoooooooooly Craaaaap!!!") What a relief!  I'm not looking forward to the editing part of this endeavor but for now I'm basking in the glory that is the end.

The good thing is that I don't yet have to say goodbye to my characters, there is a book two!  I hadn't planned on a book two but as odd as it sounds my characters told me tonight there was more and there needed to be a book two.  So I'm listening to the voices in my head and pushing forward, hope the end of book two comes sooner than the first!

The long hard road

It's only day 5 of my Nano challenge and already it's feeling like a long hard journey.  I'm approximately 8,000+ words into it and know that I have many more words to go yet I'm starting to feel excited.  You see I took on this challenge hoping that the motivation would force me to finish a book that has been simmering in my imagination for more than 6 years, rotting on my hard drive for at least 5 years, and waiting to be finished.  Now I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff looking out and there just over the next bump is the end of the journey.  I can see the end of the story!!!  I am almost there!  Holy Crap!  I can't wait until the post that says THE END but in the meantime I'm going to sprint my way over the long hard road and make it to my destination.  I may metaphorically kiss the ground once I'm there just so I can be proud of my accomplishment but more realistically I'll probably work on filling out my 50,000 word count by finishing another of my *ahem* many books that I have started to write and never finished.  Although I'm sad to say that the characters are just now telling me there will be a book 2 in this set so perhaps book two will need a beginning, we shall see!  In the meantime I think I need some potato chips and chocolate milk. Happy writing all!

A Nano teaser!

Day 1 of Nano I've done 1,677 words!  Woo hoo, great start to hopefully what will prove to be a great experience.  Here's a teaser from what I wrote on my Nano novel today:

“I was 21 years old when he took me.  I trusted him, I thought he would allow me to rest.  You see the battle had been so hard that day and I was so tired.  I had just lost my brother and my lover in one fell swoop, I thought I could take him on but I just couldn’t.  When he offered to let me rest I assumed he was taking pity and feeling remorse for his actions.  I believed that bastard.”  Elline drew her knees up to her chest.  “He came in the night, he killed my army, he took me prisoner.” Her eyes glazed over as if she was seeing a different time and a different place.  “The things that happened then…”  Elline moaned pitifully, her body physically shaking.  Asha reached out and touched Elline’s arm.  They sat in silence for a moment as Elline rubbed her face, muttering to herself.

Please remember it is rough but at this point to just get it out of my head and onto paper is the most important thing I can do.  Hooray for encouragement, here's hoping the momentum continues.

Nanowrimo

I've heard of Nanowrimo, I've contemplated Nanowrimo, but I've never taken the plunge and done it; well I think it's time!  For those of you unfamiliar with this it is national novel writing month.  The challenge is to write 50,000 words in the month of November on a novel that you've never written on before.  You approach the task with an idea and an outline and start writing the story from scratch.

I however feel that writing a new story is not going to be beneficial for me, I have about 5 stories started already, so I'm going to bend the rules a little bit and challenge myself to type 50,000 words in November on my stories.  I really would like to get my dragon story done so I'm hoping the 50,000 words will help finish out that story. I would also like to get a short 2,000 word story that has been rolling around in my brain down on paper as well.  I figure there are 30 days in November so if I get around 1600-1700 words in a day I'll hit my goal.  I really hope I can hit the mark, I really hope that November proves easy enough to give me some quality one on one time with the laptop,  I really hope I don't lose steam!  Oh boy I hope!!

Teenage Embarassment

Two years ago as a 2nd year teacher I remember watching a young man in the back of my class start to doze while reading a book.  At first he tried to fight it, doing the the bob and weave move with his head, then eventually he fell asleep.  It wasn't long until his slumped body leaned too far over the side of the desk and WHAM!!!  The desk and student were upended on the floor.  I know I was supposed to be the rational adult in that situation but I laughed, and I laughed hysterically. Was it nice?  No.  I probably should have attempted to try and hold it in but I just couldn't help it.  I know it embarrassed the poor kid to death!

We've all seen it happen, we've all had them happen.  I think one of the best things about being an adult is having the ability to look back on those awkward teenage years and laugh at all the embarrassing things that happened to us.  Tonight as I was going through the files on my laptop I re-discovered a book that I had started a few years ago that reflects on some of my most embarrassing teenage moments.  I decided to make it a 1st person fiction piece told from the perspective of a 15-16 year old high school.  Keep in mind not all of them are autobiographical moments, some I have borrowed, and some I've embellished but I giggled a little at some of these memories.  So without further ado:

  That day should have been the first indicator that the rest of my life would be miserable but my parents didn’t give me any kind of warning about it so I stumbled on through life just thinking that bad fortune was bound to be my curse! 

                In the first grade I remember that curse really kicking into high gear.  Our school was holding a square dancing tournament (yeah that’s the type of town I lived in!) and they were pairing all the kids off with partners.  I sat in that classroom and anxiously waited to find out who my partner would be, I had said my prayers the night before and asked a higher being, any higher being, to please, please, please let me be paired with Jake Jones.  You see Jake Jones was the cutest, most amazing, tall dark and handsome first grader there ever was.  I had tried to get Jake’s attention many times before, one time I wore a dinosaur shirt to school just because I knew he liked dinosaurs, but none of my feeble attempts had worked to secure his heart so here was my chance!  I just needed the fates to give me this one wish and I knew that Jake would be mine!  Well Mrs. Baunt called my name and I stepped forward ready to hold the hand of my one true love, but instead of calling Jake’s name she called Cody Partridge.  Ewwww!!  I knew somewhere, somehow the fates were laughing at me because now I was paired with Cocoa Bird (as I liked to call him).  Needless to say we didn’t win the competition and I was forever scarred from that experience.

                Second grade and third grade proved to be just as challenging but when I hit fourth grade the darkness descended and it got worse!  I was stuck in a class with Cody Partridge (again!! Can you believe it?) and the teacher made me sit in front of Cody in class which was horrible in itself but it got much, much worse.  One day after lunch we were sitting in class doing our silent reading time, I had just picked up the newest “Mystery Sisters” book from the library and was voraciously reading the pages.  The class was dead silent when it happened…  Out of nowhere this giant bottom explosion happened!  I should have expected it to happen because lunch that day had been chili but I hadn’t expected it to come from me!!!  Oh my gosh!  How mortifying is that?  I tried to play it off looking around at the other kids pretending to sniff out (metaphorically not physically) the culprit but then Cocoa Bird had to speak up.  “I think Allison did that!!!”  It was all over at that point, my face got beet red and everyone knew the big bang had happened in my chair. 

                Fast forward a bit to eight grade, bad things had happened all the other years of school but they all seemed to be on equal footing with the infamous “fourth grade rumbly bumbly incident”.  As a”top dog” at the junior high I knew that this would be my year, I knew I would finally get the man of my dreams, Kree McCallum (Jake Jones was so out of the picture by then!).  Kree was gorgeous, he was tall, he was dark, he was handsome (I know, I know it sounds like Jake but it is a completely different kind of tall dark and handsome!)  We had our Valentine’s Day dance that year and I finally had convinced my mom to let me go.  I picked my cutest outfit, did my hair up, borrowed some of mom’s perfume, and pranced my way into that gymnasium.  There on the other side of the room was Kree.  The first girl’s choice dance I got him on the floor with me, we twirled and waltzed holding each other in an embrace of romance. After the dance was over we went and sat on the bleachers, he offered to get me some punch then walked away.  I was so caught up in our romance I didn’t notice that a sneeze was creeping up on me.  Kree came back with our punch and handed me my glass.  I took a tiny sip and then it happened!!  I sneezed. I sneezed punch all over Kree McCallum’s face but it doesn’t end there, all the contents of my nose emptied out of my nostrils and onto my lip, my punch, my dress, and even my shoes.  Our little romance was quickly killed by “the great booger blowout of eighth grade”.

                This year is my tenth grade year and as you can see I am more than a little nervous about it.  I think the fates know that my time in high school is running short so they’re going to be working overtime to ensure that my life is filled with even more embarrassment before I walk out of these hallowed halls.  Oh boy I can’t wait to see what’s in store.

Another year older

Tomorrow is my birthday, woo hoo right?  I say meh, just another year to mark off the calendar though I'm constantly amazed at how quickly the years pass the older I get.  I decided today that rather than be a little depressed about it I'm going to use it as inspiration, so using age and beauty as a springboard I'm adding onto the story I started of the dark wizard.  Here goes:

Ehbon sprinted from the tavern as quickly as he could leaving the fallen goblin to rot on the floor.  He was grateful for the darkness of night as he could use his black cloak to glide like a shadow from building to building. He heard the screams and rumblings of conversation behind as people yelled out to the authorities to catch the murderer.

He grasped the ruby amulet feeling it pulse with a power beyond his imagination; finally the one thing he desired was in his grasp!  Ehbon slipped into the forest surrounding the town and like a snake slinking through the trees slithered his way to the cave he called home. As he entered he pointed his palm at the embers in the firepit and said "fire".  The wood danced to life with flame and an eerie glow fell on Ehbon's face.  He grabbed the mirror that he had stored on the ledge of his firepit and glanced into it's reflection.  There he saw the horror that had haunted him since his 18th birthday.  His face was covered in scars running not only vertically but also horizontally across his skin, his left eye had turned into a blind milky orb that often emitted puss when he blinked, his nose was harshly crooked leaving him looking like a crow, and his eyebrows had all but fallen out leaving only wisps of hair trailing behind.  He propped the mirror up ensuring he could still see the reflection of his monstrous self.

"I hope this works." he placed the amulet on his neck. "Ageis mevois"  the ruby glowed a deep blood red and flashed one bright pulse.  Ehbon was momentarily blinded as his good eye readjusted to the dark of the cave.  He looked into the mirror, a grin stretching across his face.  Where once was a contorted face now was a handsome youth.

"I have you now Alandra.  You have cursed your last wizard." Ehbon rolled back the stone of his cave and ventured once more into the night.

The Female Cosplay

So before I launch into my rant/post for tonight here is the definition of cosplay for you non-geeks:

(from Wikipedia) short for "costume play", is a performance art in which participants wear costumes and accessories to represent a specific character or idea. 

I have a confession, I'm a geek.  Not just a regular run of the mill- watches a little too much sci-fi geek- but rather a weekly D&D watching, Walking Dead following, sci-fi reading, fantasy writing, Lord of the Rings loving, Star Wars quoting, cosplaying geek.  I live for geeky things!  This obsession with the geek lifestyle started in high school with my love for Star Wars and only progressed from there, well back in 2010-2011 I discovered what is called the 501st Legion (501stlegion.com) it is a charity costuming group that dresses as bad guys from Star Wars and does charity work.  I was SO excited to find something that catered not only to my need to feed the geek but also gave me a chance to serve my fellow man.  I started researching costumes and found the standards you must meet in a costume in order to qualify for membership in the legion is very lengthy and expensive.  Long story short though I did manage to get an Imperial Officer costume made, you know the guys that serve as choking targets for Vader, and got accepted into the legion.  Well fast forward to now.  I have the itch and a major need for a new costume, I got into costume research mode again and found that once again my funding is too short to do armor (i.e. stormtrooper, pilot, Mandalorian, etc...) I started looking at cloth costumes and I must say I'm a tad disappointed.  

Now I know that geeks are generally male but come on guys, can we have a female character who is actually wearing clothes?  This is not just limited to Star Wars costumes either, it spans across all geek genres.  Why is there an ever present need for the female characters to be partially exposed in some fashion?  Not just that but how is a woman supposed to survive in combat when her major organs are exposed?

Original image found here: http://www.gagbay.com/gag/female_rpg_armor-237294/

Plus who wants to fight in an under wire bra?  (Ladies you know I'm right on that one!) Besides I personally would feel very uncomfortable being that exposed in a public place.  My body is my own and I don't think that much of it needs to be shared with the world, giving birth in a hospital with medical staff was intimidating enough. I don't need more bodily scrutiny than that thank you! I know some women are comfortable and okay with it and I don't judge them for that but why can't more female characters be clothed so those of us that want to cosplay can do so in comfort? I say stop the lingerie costumes!  Clothe the women and give them the strength they need to conquer instead of objectifying them, rant over....

Phew, now that I have that out of my system I want to share what I did manage to find that I think will be a good fit for me and my costuming needs.  I present to you Juno Eclipse:

Star Wars character in the games "Force Unleashed".  With some sewing, seam picking, and re-sewing here is the current version of this costume:

I need to fix my dossimeter pockets (the little pen looking things sticking out are called dossimeters), I put the badge on the wrong side (duh!), and I need to get a better tank top for underneath but I want your feedback.  Thoughts?  Ideas? Comments?  Feed the geek!!

P.S. If anyone is interested in funding a set of armor for me my dream costume is Bo Katan:

Something about Mandalorian armor just makes me tingly like a kid on Christmas morning, so if you happen to have a few hundred-ish dollars laying around and want to fund a random project I'd be happy to put it towards a good cause!

Come to the Darkside we have cookies!

I have a good friend who has a writing blog (writenowanyway.blogspot.com check it out!) and her post this week has to do with guilty pleasures.  I absolutely LOVE this idea. We all have those guilty pleasures that we may, or may, not confess to.  There are a few things I would count as a guilty pleasure but perhaps one of my weirdest is my need to cheer for the bad guy.  Really.  When I watch a movie, read a book, or look at a video game I like seeing the hero but a little voice inside me always says, "Poor bad guy, they just wanted to achieve their goals."  it never matters if the goal is the destruction of mankind I still manage to have a little empathy for the bad guy.

I always cheer a little at the end of "Empire Strikes Back" because Vader has a small victory (though I am a little sad the handsome Han Solo is frozen in carbonite). This need to identify with and empathize with the villian causes a conflict of interest when it comes to my own story telling, my hero will usually always win but sometimes I think the bad guy should win; with that mind here is just a piece of fantasy I have written with that idea in mind:

P.S. I borrowed the name Ehbon from a broadcast D&D campaign so I give credit for that name to JP McDaniel creator of Ehbon!

He stared across the counter at the barkeep.  The goblin poured and handled the ale with a precision that attested to his many years serving as barkeep, the stilts attached to his legs seemed less like wooden boards and more like an artificial extension of the goblin's legs.  Ehbon sipped his ale watching carefully each move the goblin made, the stilts obviously were used as a tool to help the keep reach and serve his customers at the much taller human sized bar.  Human's notoriously were better tippers than the goblins so it only made sense that this seemingly innocent creature work for higher tips even if that meant creating wooden bodily extensions.

Ehbon pulled the arms of his black cloak down over his hands trying to hide the shaking that had started to become evident in his wrists; he knew what his task would be and he quivered in anticipation.  Though the goblin appeared to be harmless Ehbon knew the power he harnessed and desperately wanted to grab it but patience was the key to this delicate mission.  Ehbon chugged the last of his ale and reached into his pouch retrieving a gold piece.  He set the money carefully on the counter making sure not to make any noise or draw attention to the coin keeping his palm over the coin he pulled his cloak down over his face careful to conceal his face from any onlookers.  He quietly muttered a prayer to his God Bhaal and then in hushed tones cast a spell on the coin.

He got up and walked over to the fire leaning on the mantle and watching the bar carefully, it was only a matter of time now.  The goblin shelled out a few more drinks and ran back and forth from the kitchen serving those meal orders.  Finally the goblin noticed the gold sitting on his counter, he ambled over and picked up the piece placing it in his pocket.  Moments passed and Ehbon began to wonder if the spell failed, he knew something should have happened by now but the goblin was still ambling about.

A piercing scream broke through the noise of the tavern as the goblin grasped his hand. "It burns!! Help me please!!"  he flapped his hand madly in the air as if he were trying to shake out a fire that only he could see.  He stumbled around the counter still attached to the stilts running for the water barrel placed near the fireplace in order to catch the rain from the leaky roof.  He shoved his hand into the barrel and as soon as the skin hit the water it started to produce boils.  The goblin threw his hand from the water falling backwards onto the floor.  His face swelled with boils as they quickly began overtaking every inch of skin, "Help."  his cry gurgled as the boils swelled his mouth shut.  Ehbon walked over to the goblin knowing he had to be quick as many in the bar were now watching the spectacle, he leaned over the goblin looking him square in the eye and whispered "it's mine now" he reached under the goblin's neck and ripped the ruby amulet from the goblin's neck concealing it under the sleeves of his cloak. The goblin gasped his last breath and as he died Ehbon saw in the goblin's eyes that he knew who had killed him and why.

Why the world of a story is so much better than real life.

I've often wondered what it is about story worlds that create such a huge appeal for me and as I have reflected on that question here are some things I've come up with, so without further ado top 10 reasons why the world of a story is so much better than real life:

10.  Life is always exciting!  You're riding on horseback or jetting through space constantly going on great adventures!  Real life, not so much.

9.  Stories can be so unpredictable and that's a good thing!  Life gets so ho-hum sometimes and to venture into a place where everything around every corner is a surprise makes reality seems so much more boring.

8.  If a main character has children they're generally pretty well behaved.  Seriously where do people get these little angels?  My daughter is an angel but her nick name is "tornado" because there is always a path of destruction anywhere she goes.  Though I'd take my "tornado" over perfect baby any day! Perfect sleeper?  Yes that baby I'd take!

7.  Transportation in books is so much cooler than my car.  Want to ride a Griffon?  How about a unicorn?  Perhaps a dragon?  Yes please!

6.  Some characters get superpowers/magic.  How I wish I could magic my house clean and my grading done with the wave of a wand.  Having the power of mind control would be pretty cool too, I'm not going to lie I'd probably abuse that power!

5.  There is almost always a happily ever after.  Life has happy moments, it may even have a happy ending, but I rarely see happily ever after it's usually just happy moment and here's the rest of the story. Hope that didn't sound too cynical...

4.  Time in a book can pass as quickly or as slowly as you want.  Read it all in four hours or over the course of four months life doesn't let you savor those moments quite like that.

3. There is no need to eat or sleep!  How awesome is that?  How much time would I save by not having to do all those things in real life?

2.  The characters are so cool.  I just relate so much better to fictional characters than some people in real life.

1.  I can explore, fight, fly, etc... without the real risk of exploring, fighting, or flying! :)  It's such an amazing way to be in reality without being in reality!  I LOVE Books!

Teenage Romance

One of the unique advantages of being a high school teacher is being able to watch my prospective reading audience in their day to day lives.  I get to see their interactions, thought processes, sense of humor, and romantic relationships.  Now I am a true believer in love and romance.  I think that everyone has the chance to meet and fall in love with someone but I also believe that this usually happens when people are much older.  I CANNOT stand teenage relationships and the dialogue that usually goes along with them, generally the relationships look something like this:

Day 1: "Oh my gosh John and I are totally dating!!! I really like him."
Day 2: "Sooooooo, we totally kissed last night. (insert details about the kiss)"
Day 3: "We are SO in love!  I just love him so much!"
Day 4: "I love him so much and we're going to be together forever."
Day 5: "We were alone last night and well I just love him so much."
Day 6: "We are so in love."
Day 7: "We broke up!" *insert mindless blubbering here*

Teenage relationships can teach a kid many things but ultimately I feel they are a waste of time.  They are usually only ever about one of two things, finding someone to do things with or sex.  I don't think that there is ever a deeper connection than lust in these types of relationships.  Call me cynical but I just don't ever see the outcome of these as positive.  In 99.9% of the cases I have seen they break up (cue alligator tears and drama) or the girl gets pregnant (babies having babies) neither outcome is a happy one.

Herein lies my struggle, like I said before I am elbow to elbow with YA as a teacher, I know what they want and I know it needs to be incorporated into my writing and guess what they want?  Teenage romance, I am literally making my vomit face just to express how I feel about it.  I hate those relationships, I hate how shallow and meaningless they are, I hate seeing the negative outcomes, and most of all I hate seeing the unrealistic expectations that come about from reading YA books with teenage romance in them.  I know I need to give my audience what they want but I HATE what they want, it makes me think too much of the nausea inducing popular novels of late, I'm thinking specifically of a vomitty vampire series.  I'm thankful that my current novel doesn't have a romance so I don't have to deal with it but my next sci-fi series will have romance and I just can't get over my utter disdain for teenage love.  I have to learn to block my reality, school, from my writing and create romances that are both believable but not sickening.  I have to learn to be true to myself but also give my audience what they want, I just don't know how to do that.  So here's my question to you dear readers, I need some time to think and process how to proceed with a healthy YA relationship in a book.  Thoughts?  Suggestions?  Help me not feel so cynical about this!

Violence: How much is too much?

As I continue in my writing journey traveling towards a pivotal point in the story I realize I'm going to have to write a scene of fighting/violence.  The question arises in my mind for a YA novel how much violence is too much?  Where does one draw the line?  Let me just preface this by saying I'm a conservative person, I come from a conservative background, but I wonder if by minimizing the amount of violence shown it will minimize the story itself.  I'm no stranger to violence, my current guilty pleasure is "The Walking Dead" which is riddled with zombie brains and dismembered body parts, so though I've seen it I still don't see it as an absolute necessity.  In fact, on more than one occasion while watching "Walking Dead" I've said to my husband "That was a little much."  It is hard as a writer to know where to draw the line.  In my story the main character HAS to engage in battle, bloodshed, and treachery in order to grow and accomplish the things I need her to, however I wonder can I make it interesting without making it a gore fest?  What is considered gore and what is considered necessary?  Do I let her, and the reader, hear the snapping of bone?  The warmth of spilled blood? The ultimate grief that comes from the realization that she has taken a life.  What do you think?

Weak Characters

I was asked the question, what do you do with weak characters? As I have thought on the question I've found myself stumped.

We've all seen them, those characters who are a part of the story but have no backbone, they have a desire to join in but their ultimate end goal is unachievable because of their willingness to do whatever anyone else tells them to do.  They want to be a part of the action, they want to participate in the action but they are far too weak to do so; the question arises in the mind of the author what do you do with these characters?  Can a weak character be written in such a way that they don't turn into a minion?  Can they be incorporated into the story without making them annoying?  My answer? Maybe.

A character can always learn to not be weak, they can become physically stronger through training, cyborg parts, ninja school, whatever depending on your genre.  However, how does one make a mentally weak person stronger? There is the age old remedy of give them struggles until they overcome, let them suffer mercilessly until they either bend or break.  The problem is that if you've ever been a writer you will understand that until you spend time inside a character's head it is hard to know if they would even change.  You can write the greatest character in the world thinking they'll achieve greatness but when you spend time inside of their head and suddenly discover they're mentally weak, incapable of changing their desires because they can't seem to let go of the need to please someone else.  Suddenly you're faced with a conflict, do you keep the character and force change, which betrays the character in every way, or do you let them go on fluttering in the wind?

It's hard to know what do with those characters because, just as in real life, if someone isn't willing to grow a back bone they're always going to subject themselves to the stronger willed and giving up their own desires to please someone else.  So I ask the question what do you do with those characters?  Sometimes they serve a purpose in story telling, every story occasionally needs the mindless drone- the stormtroopers of story telling- but what do you do when the character is just there?  What do you do when they become annoying?  My knee jerk reaction is usually, "kill them".  I'm a firm believer in the strong survive the weak die and being a sci-fi/fantasy writer myself I find that methods is much more effective but how does a writer not constantly do this?  How can the weak survive, serve a purpose, and still be meaningful to the story?  I guess I don't have a good answer, so dear readers the question goes to you.  What do you do?

My daughter's eyes

My daughter has been sick today, my heart just aches for her; like every other mother I wish I could take away her illness and be sick in her place but alas the world just doesn't work that way.  I've wiped many runny noses, changed several smelly diapers, wiped away some tears, offered snuggles and songs as well as watched MANY cartoons she likes.  It's taxing, I'm loving it and hating it all at the same time but as my daughter sleeps so soundly in my arms trusting me to protect her I realize I don't need anything else. I look at those sleeping eyes and know that if I never make a small fortune, become the world's best teacher, get a book published, buy a new home/car/furniture, or make a national appearance as a writer that is okay.  As I look at those sleeping eyes my soul tells me all I'll ever need, and all I've ever needed, is right here.  My forever is in those eyes and how could I ever want for more?  Love may be bigger than we understand but right now, for me, love is sleeping soundly in my arms.

Hello my name is Be Careful what's yours?

As I was cooking dinner tonight I was looking over into the living room at my very busy beautiful 9 month old and watched as she tore through several of her toys and made her way over to the TV stand.  We mounted the TV on wall months ago in order to prevent a fall accident but the stand still supports our Xbox & PlayStation; for the millionth time I heard myself saying "Be careful!"  I couldn't help but laugh at myself a little because I find I say "Be careful!" more than I say her name.  I can only imagine the conversation she and the cat would have in their own language:

Baby, "Hello, my name is Be Careful what's yours?"

Cat, "My name is get down, run away!  Nice to meet you!"

As I giggled on, I'm incredibly tired and loopy so it struck my funny bone just right, I realized that we all have our "Be Careful" phrases.  In conversation we repeat words that are fillers, my own is the word so, and we use them to fill space or to allow time for our brains to catch up to our mouths.  

Then I came to the realization that I also have those filler phrases, or words, in my writing.  How often do I use a word or a phrase as just a way of just putting ink on a blank page?  When I'm writing my rough drafts is it just full of filler words?  What are my filler words and phrases?  How do I fix them? I need to dig deeper into my own vernacular to create more meaningful writing rather than creating a mindless drone of repetition.  So for now as I contemplate my own stories, here is hoping I haven't unknowingly given them the title of "Be Careful!"

I'm missing my muse

Before I start this post let me just get this out of the way- when I am referring to a muse I am not referring to a band or thought process I am referring to it in this way (thanks to dictionary.com for the definition, never let it be said that I didn't cite my sources!):

muse- the goddess or the power regarded as inspiring a poet, artist, thinker, or the like.

On to the post!!

I first heard of the idea of a muse in high school, we were studying Shakespeare and he called upon the muse to help him in his writing.  The teacher explained that the muses would come to artists, writers, performers, etc and offer inspiration for their work.  For whatever reason, maybe it's because of my religious background, I really gravitated to this concept that our ideas don't always come from us; that sometimes there is a higher power inspiring us in our work.  Although I do think that a lot of my ideas have come from my own brain there are definitely times where something will pop into my head and I silently thank my muse.  Sometimes I have even felt as if someone or something is speaking to my mind giving me the ideas, courage, strength, or motivation to carry on with my writing.  It's a rather surreal thought process and some might call me crazy for it but I truly believe that sometimes you need that extra help carry on in the creative process.

Well I confess, I haven't written on my book in about 2 weeks.  Ugh right?!  Yes I could blame it on the plethora of activities I've had going on lately but I know it has boiled down to my laziness.  My desire to have time where I can burn, rather than use, my brain cells.  Movies, video games, tv shows, Pinterest, Facebook, all are perpetrators in the loss of good writing time.  Sure everyone is entitled to that time, I'm sure even the greatest of writers took a break once in a while to re-focus, but my re-focus just keeps getting fuzzier and fuzzier.  I need motivation, I need a push, I need focus!!   Shakespeare did it, and although I'll never be as great as Shakespeare, I think I'll steal a trick from his book: my muse please help me! Bring me inspiration, bring me strength, bring me motivation!  Oh and muse, if you're super cool you could bring me an Oreo shake. I realize that might be a tall order for just a spirit, goddess, or power so if there's no icecream-y goodness involved I'm okay with just the other stuff!

You're abandoning us!!!

It is that inevitable time of year when the stores stock pencils & binders, the yellow bus can be seen running down the street, and as a teacher I feel the return of the school year breathing down my neck.  I have to go back to school for teacher meetings next week and I'm not necessarily ready for it but regardless it's coming!

A little background before I continue on with this post, I have been teaching for 3 years in the local high school.  I love working with teenagers, hard to believe I know, but it is true!  There is something about teaching literature & writing and having the light go on for the students that makes me really enjoy my chosen profession.  I have always had a special love for each of my students, I have often joked that I have 130 "kids" to take care of on a daily basis.  At the end of the 2012 school year I found out I was pregnant (our first) and knew that the beginning of the 2012 school year I'd end up taking maternity leave to have and care for my new baby.  What I didn't know as a first time parent was how deep the love of a parent goes for their child.  I had labored under the idea that once baby was born it would be no big deal to leave her with a daycare and continue working full time.  I though that surely I could balance both being a mom & working full time.  The day my daughter was born something happened to my thinking, the delusion of a "working" balance popped very quickly.  That day I held in my arms the most precious thing I could ever have been given and as I looked into those beautiful blue eyes I knew nothing could ever be the same.  9 weeks later I had to trudge back to work full time.  The first day I dropped my almost newborn off with the sitter I drove all the way to school sobbing knowing that this wasn't what I had envisioned for myself.  I didn't know how attached I was to that beautiful little person until that moment.  I got back in the classroom and although I did revive my love of the students that love couldn't be compared to what I had for my baby girl.  I knew in my heart that teaching full time would mean missing out on a lot of my daughter's life.  Financially we couldn't afford for me to quit completely but rarely does the opportunity of part time teaching present itself.  I accepted that fact and with a heavy heart accepted that I'd be back at it full time in September of 2013.

At the end of May an opportunity presented itself, two teachers at the school had worked out a deal where they shared one teaching job.  These two teachers would alternate days teaching and only have to be available part time at the school.  One of the members of that teaching team was quitting and they needed someone to fill in for her part time position.  I jumped at the chance, I knew this was my opportunity to both continue teaching & spend quality time with my daughter.  I could help support my family & household but would be able to continue fostering my relationship with my child. So I resigned to part time and plan to work only every other day during this upcoming school year.

Yesterday and today I went to the school to get our classroom straightened up & worksheets run off when I ran into one of my students from last year.  This student was part of my "advisory group" which means that I normally would have had him all 4 years of his high school career; because I accepted this new part time position my advisory class was shifted to a different teacher.  The very first thing this student said to me was "But Mrs. Buckley!!!  You're abandoning us!!!"  I explained to him my reasons for doing what I did and his response was "Why would you abandon 31 of your kids for just 1 kid."  I just explained my reasons again and left the conversation at that.

I have been thinking about this conversation for a few hours and I realize now why I am "abandoning" those 31+ kids.  Being financially able to have nice homes, cars, computers, tvs, etc...  is great but is it more important than my child?  Is having "things" more essential than monitoring the education and upraising of my own child?  The ultimate answer is no.  Just within the past 3 months she has changed and grown so quickly that I realize my time to enjoy her toddler phase is going to be super short!  Just this morning she was sitting on the floor playing, I stuck my head around the corner of the couch to play peek-a-boo and the smile that she had made me melt.  She squealed with delight then tackled me so she could kiss me.  Why would I want to willingly give up those moments with her just so I can teach and make money?  I don't want to.  I don't want that smile being shared with a daycare provider, I don't want the person playing peek-a-boo to be anyone but me.  Is that selfish?  Absolutely, but she's MY child to enjoy.  I want her to grow up knowing I did everything I could to share those precious moments with her.  I know that financially we'll be pretty strapped for the next few years but money will never win over my child.  So even though I may have abandoned 31 of my kids it was the right choice to make in order to preserve the relationship I have with my biological child.  Students I love you but my daughter will trump you everyday of the week.

My own literary journey

A friend remind me that I hadn't updated the blog in a while, this makes me feel encouraged to continue on with the blogging process! My writing has lulled some as I'm contemplating how best to reveal important plot points so instead of writing about writing how about I write about reading?

I have another friend who, on her own blog, wrote about the book that got her started on her lifelong reading/writing  path.  She asked the question on her blog, "Which book got you hooked?"  I honestly didn't have an answer.  I couldn't specifically pin down one piece of literature that got me started on my literary journey.  Odd isn't it?  Most readers could tell you exactly where they were, what book it was, and which character got them hooked.  I've thought about my own books and realized my own reading/writing path didn't begin until a little later than most.  Sure I liked books as a kid, the usual "Velveteen Rabbit" and what have you but none of those books sparked my imagination.  As I grew older (10-12 ish) I still wasn't that into reading or writing.  As a matter of fact at that point in my life I was convinced I would grow up to be a veterinarian.  When I hit about 13-14 I discovered that my older brother had a collection of Star Wars books.  I knew I liked Star Wars, I knew books weren't bad so I started reading them.  Again, I really wasn't "hooked" per say just enjoyed the leisure of reading time.

I continued reading all the Star Wars books I could find.  At some point when I was about 15 I realized that I had suddenly become a book addict.  I was entirely biased about only reading Star Wars books at that age and perhaps one of my favorites was this gem:

"The Crystal Star" by Vonda M. McIntyre.  I can not tell you what the book is about or what it was that particularly caught my attention but I remember reading it and thinking "Wow, this is AMAZING!!" I honestly have not re-read this book since then but I am kind of afraid of re-reading and finding that it's horrible so for now I will just leave it unread and uphold the good memory.

  I continued plowing through Star Wars book after Star Wars book.  Finally my Senior year of high school my English teacher handed me a book and told me, "This is a great book, I really think you'll enjoy it."

 I'm ashamed to admit this book sat on my shelf for a while because of my Star Wars obsession but when I did end up reading it about 6 months later my entire paradigm about Science Fiction changed.  My mind was blown at all the facets and depth of this book, the moral questions it brings up, and that ending!  My literature circle was suddenly broadened.

As I went off to college I decided that maybe, just maybe, this literature/writing thing could be a lot of fun.  My senior English teacher was definitely a huge influence on me and encouraged me to go down that road so I figured why not?

My Sophomore year of college I took a YA Literature class and one of our assignments was to pick a YA book and do a PowerPoint presentation for the class.  I am again ashamed and embarrassed to admit that it took me that long to pick up such an earth shattering piece of literature.

Tolkien became my new idol!  Such a beautifully crafted story and who wouldn't love Bilbo?  It was then I realized that Science Fiction & Fantasy were essentially two branches of the same tree for me!  Both reflected my own  need to escape reality and our world.  I didn't hate fiction based in our world but I definitely preferred adventuring on other planets and other worlds.  

With the release of the movies and spring boarding off of my love for "The Hobbit" I next picked up this:

True love once again!  I think I read all three of these books at least 3-4 times before the release of the 2nd movie.  Needless to say of all the books I have ever read this one made the biggest impact on me and truly ignited my love/obsession with the fantasy genre.

Later after I got married my husband suggested these books to me:

This opened the door of Dungeons & Dragons lore for me.  It gave me a whole new appreciation for world creation and the different races of fantasy including dwarves, elves, halflings, dragons, orcs, and so on.  While Tolkien had set the foundation of these races Dungeons & Dragons delved into the details bringing new life to these races.

Of all the things I gained from the Dragons of Autumn Twilight trilogy though was introducing me to the most influential fantasy character ever:

Raistlin Majere, the black wizard.  If you continue on reading his story you find out how evil, good, conflicted, single minded, stubborn, loving, emotional, tormented, etc.. that he is!  I have never come across another fantasy character as deep as he was to me, there was so much tied up in this character that absolutely fascinated me!  Even now I find that when I write a character I wonder how much Raistlin is in them, when I read other fantasy wizards I can't help but think, "They're not as cool as Raistlin".

There have been several books I have read since then, almost all fall within the sci-fi/fantasy genre, but I would have to say those pieces of literature have brought me to where I am today.  I still find that when a student comes to me and asks for book recommendations I end up suggesting one of these books.

So although I can't say that there was one book in particular that got me "hooked" there is a trail of books that have led me in the direction of my writing genres.